I remember when working for AT&T, a lady called in about long distance phone calls that she had made. She demanded that the calls be taken off her bill because the rates were too high. The representative told her that he was unable to take the charges off. She then told the guy that she was about to give birth and screamed and cried and told the representative that he was causing her to go into labor. What she didn't know was that the representative had put her on speaker phone. We all heard her screaming at the top of her lungs.
I didn't laugh. That ninth month of pregnancy makes women do crazy things. My husband is learning that quickly. He is learning that it is plain stupid to even argue with me at this point.
I become a mean harpy my last month of pregnancy. I am impatient and ready for the attack. I can control a lot my mouth most of the time, but I know of women who did not control their mouths at all. I came close to yelling at a lady for ordering a plain hamburger at a gyro restaurant. Come on, she wasted my time standing in line when she could of ordered that at Wendy's or McDonald's! I decided instead to sit down and let my husband do the ordering.
I warned my husband for eight months for this moment. He didn't heed my warnings and learned the hard way that I do not have patience for fighting. I don't care if he is from a machismo culture or Mars for that matter. I will admit though that he is improving.Well, here are some tips for new dads surviving the final month of pregnancy:
Never tell your wife how she feels.
Do not expect a lot of intimacy.
DO NOT GET OFFENDED IF SHE YELLS AT YOU (she will probably be abusive)
Do not complain about money, especially the utility bill
Help her with the housework
Allow her to take naps
Take the older kids out every once in a while
Don't let her go too crazy with "nesting"
Take her on as many dates as you can, make her feel special
If she is in pain, hold her hand (if she lets you) and let her whine about it
If she rejects you, do not take it personally, in 30 minutes she will probably forget and want to hug you tightly
Just try not to get mad at her, get her mind off of her pregnancy by talking about the baby or something she enjoys, like politics
Rent lots of movies she enjoys and if she doesn't want to watch football, turn it to a show she wants.
Surprise her with a gift like flowers or a free make over or a massage (do NOT buy clothes or lingerie, you will not live!!)
Do not, repeat, do NOT make jokes about her weight or how much she eats, in fact do not make jokes at all or you might see divorce papers soon.
Remember this woman is carrying your child, your big, growing child. She at least deserves one special month to be treated like a queen. Believe me, trust me, if you do those things, your last month will go by more smoothly, and your wife will never forget it. It might take a couple of months, but you will be treated like a king forever. (at least until the next pregnancy or menopause kicks in)